FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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