That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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