Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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