A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dear god my vagina.
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