He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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