Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize