The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
