you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
