Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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