there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
