It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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