Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
