who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
