just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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