I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize