whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
