Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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