How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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