She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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