Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
