was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
