So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
