i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
