we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize