i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Non-Jews are for practice
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
