glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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