you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
