if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
