Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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