I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
