Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
