Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
