the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize