after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
