we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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