Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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