Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize