i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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