a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
