Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
