She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
