i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
