wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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