Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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