I hate all girls vehemently.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
