Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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