So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
