but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
