the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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