so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
