ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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