If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
that may or may not have been my penis.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
