We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
