taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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