is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
