I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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