Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
