thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize