textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
