Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize