I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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