real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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