Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
