Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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