yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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