New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
