just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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