My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Im part way to drunk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
