I think I died a long time ago.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
