why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
