We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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