And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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