I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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