Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
