what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
