I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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